Post sex depression?

Satisfying sexual intercourse usually triggers feelings of happiness and a strong sense of togetherness. However, there are also people for whom the exact opposite effect occurs. This “after-sex blues” is also known as postcoital dysphoria and can affect both women and men.

A sense of melancholy after the climax

Postcoital dysphoria is considered a sexual dysfunction and occurs during the relaxation phase following otherwise satisfying, consensual sexual intercourse. It manifests as unexplained sadness, gloom, anxiety, and irritability. Those affected begin to cry (seemingly for no reason), feel anxious, and become melancholic. It is even possible that they may feel a certain degree of aggression. Other symptoms of postcoital dysphoria can include depression, feelings of shame, or self-rejection. Men are particularly affected by this postcoital low mood, but women may also experience a profound sense of inner emptiness after sex.

The investigation into the cause is not yet complete

Scientists have not yet been able to definitively determine the exact causes or triggers of sexual dysphoria. However, various factors are suspected to be triggers: During the intimate act of sexual intercourse, many “positive” hormones are released, including oxytocin, as well as adrenaline and norepinephrine. When the hormonal rush ends abruptly, along with the intimacy with one’s partner, this can lead to feelings of sadness and emptiness. However, there is still a lack of supporting studies on this topic.

The feeling of a strong emotional and physical connection can, after intimacy has ended, trigger feelings of separation from one’s partner and thus postcoital dysphoria. Furthermore, links have been established with past sexual abuse, fears of loss or attachment, as well as conflicts with social norms, prejudices, and myths, and mental health disorders. Often, an idealization of sex and overly high expectations of the act itself are also causes of the depressive mood that follows. For example, those who expect that perfect sex must always include an orgasm, or that simultaneous climax is what makes sex perfect, idealize the sexual act to an unhealthy degree and are, unfortunately, quickly disappointed.

When is action needed?

Simply put: If the person affected is suffering from postcoital dysphoria, it’s already time to take action. Even a calm conversation with a family doctor or a sexologist can make a big difference.  Professional help can be particularly beneficial when intimacy—and ultimately the relationship with one’s partner—is suffering due to negative feelings after sex. Therefore, it is also advisable to confide in your partner and tell him or her about your sadness after sex. With professional help, those affected can work on overcoming this distressing low mood.

Postcoital Fatigue

Postcoital fatigue must be distinguished from postcoital dysphoria. Does this sound familiar? After sex, your partner suddenly feels sleepy, but you’re suddenly wide awake? Men are more likely than women to experience sudden fatigue after sex. In a survey of 10,000 British men, 80% of men reported that they were so relaxed after sex that they would fall asleep immediately.  In contrast, only 46% of women reported similar experiences. Men don’t do this out of malice; they can hardly help it, as they are sometimes completely exhausted after orgasm. After climax, blood sugar levels drop drastically, and men suddenly feel drained of strength and energy. Blood samples automatically taken from men at 2-minute intervals over a total of 40 minutes before and after orgasm showed a rapid drop in adrenaline and noradrenaline after climax, but an increase in the “cuddle and bonding hormone” oxytocin as well as in prolactin (Krüger 2003). Comparable data for women also showed an increase in prolactin, but unlike the rapid drop seen in men, there was also an increase in adrenaline and noradrenaline (Exton 1999). Since adrenaline and noradrenaline play a key role in the central regulation of alertness levels, a decrease (in men) is an indicator of relative fatigue, and an increase (in women) is an indicator of heightened alertness (Berridge 2012).

Everyone has different needs when it comes to sex. Talk openly with each other and share your desires with your partner. That way, you can avoid disappointment, and everyone can let go completely in their own way!

References

Berridge CW et al. 2012. Noradrenergic modulation of wakefulness/arousal. In: Sleep Medicine Reviews. 16; 2: 187–197.

Exton MS et al. 1999. Cardiovascular and endocrine alterations after masturbation-induced orgasm in women. In: Psychosomatic Medicine. 61; 3: 280–289.

Gallus S. Postcoital dysphoria: Anxiety, restlessness, and depression following orgasm. https://www.medical-tribune.de/medizin-und-forschung/artikel/postkoitale-dysphorie-angst-unruhe-und-depressionen-nach-dem-orgasmus/ Accessed: February 17, 2020

Krüger TH et al. 2003. Specificity of the neuroendocrine response to orgasm during sexual arousal in men. In: The Journal of Endocrinology. (J Endocrinol) 177; 1: 57–64.